1 Year Old

This has been the fastest year of my entire life.  It's so hard to believe that it's been a year since Polly arrived.  I still remember it all so clearly yet is seems so foggy all at the same time.  She was so tiny in our arms, and now she's this walking and talking person with her own little personality.  I remember the anticipation leading up to her arrival.  It was so hard to imagine what she would be like, what she would look like.  Now she's here and it's been a year!!!  Our wildest imaginations couldn't have imagined this crazy year.  Here are some highlights from this last month and year.

• A new parent pretty much summed up our last month with A Ten Month Old's Letter to Santa.  I'm so tired of these lists floating around on the internet about EVERYTHING but this one made me laugh so hard because it's true.  All of it.
• Restaurants are getting nearly impossible but luckily Ben has become obsessed with cooking.  It's not a relaxing dinner with a squirming baby in your arms wanting to walk around or a pointing baby gesturing to your neighbor (you know, the strangers sitting next to you) and yelling as if she wants their food, NOW!  
• I'm always anticipating the next phase until it arrives and then I long for the previous phase.  I couldn't wait for her to walk but now she's everywhere!  She loves being chased which makes for one tired momma.  I do so love the sound of her running into her bedroom and as soon as she hears me coming she squeals with anticipation.  It's the best. Now I find my self longing for her to talk to me but I know I'll miss her little babbling.  
• Babbling: she says duck, dada, mama, cat, NO!, uh-oh, bye bye, HI!, and book. She's obsessed with books which makes me so proud.  She loves looking at her books and having people show her the pictures.  She's quite forceful about it actually when she's in the mood for books and you're trying to concentrate on anything else.  
• About this exact time one year ago I was puking my guts out.  Random I know, but it's true. 
• Today we had a small party for Polly to celebrate.  She was surrounded by some of the people who she's seen the most over this last first year.  It was simple but perfect in its own imperfect, dysfunctional way.  We nearly forgot to sing happy birthday, the party favors I ordered were perfectly chokeable so I didn't bring them, and a long list of other things but it was perfect.  Plus she'll never know the difference.  
• I am still absolutely aware of the fact that I'm so lucky.  This has been one of the hardest and best years of my life.  I can't wait for the next year, I just hope it slows down a bit.   
  
      

11 Months!

Look at that face!  She's becoming more person, less baby every day.  This has been one crazy month between work and Crafty Supermarket.  I'm so excited for the holiday season and some much needed family time.  Here are some highlights from this month:

• I miss her a lot during the day but it's pretty manageable until I see another baby close to her age. 
• Remember when I talked about the difference between spit up and throw up?  Well this month we learned the difference between throwing up at home and throwing up (three times at once) in public.  We are so sorry Skyline.  I also want to know where the immediate instinct to catch it with my hand comes from.  
• Nothing is sadder than a sick baby.  This month she had her first high fever and she was so pathetic and cuddly, it broke my heart.  
• She already has tons of willpower which is terrifying since we are only eleven months into this.  When she doesn't want to go in her carseat she tightens her entire body, arches her back and yells.  It's hilarious and frustrating all at the same time.  Oh where does she get that?  
• Ben and I regularly get in bed at 9 p.m. and we always wake up tired but that is quickly forgotten because she is always smiling in the morning and ready to go!
• I'm so sentimental about this time last year as I was so nervous and excited to see her little face.  It's so hard to believe that she will be a year old in one quick month.  

10 Months!

This picture pretty much says it all.  I thought her picture was hard to capture last month but this photo session was just hilarious.  This shot perfectly captures her right before she lurched towards me.  I can't get enough of this little girl.  Here are some thoughts from this month that went by too, too fast...

• We've been wondering what we did before Polly was here.  On Thursday I had a killer headache so I came home from work a little early to try to nap.  When I felt my normal wakeup excitement to see Polly only to realize she was still at the sitter.  The entire house feels so sad and empty when she's not here.  
• She's not walking yet and I can't imagine how much of a handful she's going to be when that happens.  She is all over the place!  She knows all of the things she's not supposed to get into but she gets into them anyways just so you will come and get her.  
• She cried the other day when my BF Meri started walking out the door and it nearly made me cry too.  I'm lucky to have so many people in my life that care about me and I love that now Polly has them too.  
• I've been finding myself really missing her during the day.  It seems like it's been harder to leave her this month which is funny because I thought it would get easier.  I think it has to do with the fact that she's such a little sponge now.  She copies your sounds and movements so much and I just wish I could be here to teach her EVERYTHING.  But then I think, as I've mentioned before, that I want her to grow up admiring her hardworking driven momma.  I know she'll learn a lot from that too.  
• We went home to South Carolina earlier this month for my cousins wedding and it was great to get to share her with my family again.  I can't wait until she is a bit older and I can teach her about where her name came from but I also try not to wish too hard for the future because I know it will be here too soon.  
• I love, love, love how much Ben loves Polly.  It's crazy to have been with someone for ten years and feel like you know everything about them but then you get this whole new person to get to know as you watch them become a dad.  
• I could still definitely use more sleep in my life.
    

9 Months

Each month that passes I'm shocked by how quickly the time is moving and how much she changes from one photo to the next.  The weather is starting to cool off and I distinctly remember this time last year anticipating her arrival and now, a year later, we have this little lady wearing us out!  Here are some highlights from this month.

• Her first official word: duck.  About two months ago she got attached to her pink rubber duck that she plays with and her yellow rubber duck that she takes a bath with her.  When she sees them for the first time in the day she gets super excited and says, "du, du, du!"  It's pretty exciting.
• I continue to parent with my assistant Google.  Polly at 9 months still has no teeth which my boobs appreciate but the worrier in me is stressing about it.  This month I found myself Googling "baby never gets teeth" which was a TERRIBLE idea because apparently it's a thing that happens which can be caused by defects and all sorts of other scary things that you can find on the internet.  Tonight however she bit down on my finger and I'm pretty sure I felt a tooth!  
• Just when you think your house is baby proof your husband thinks she's found a piece of yarn on the floor but it's a baby snake that the cats brought up from the basement.  It didn't make into the mouth but I can't stop thinking about what if it had!  Then you freak out because THERE WAS A SNAKE IN YOUR HOUSE!
• Two weeks ago Ben and I were driving home from a wedding and while driving about 55mph down the highway someone rear ended us...while driving.  Think about that for a moment.  We were moving, rear ended and still moving.  It really freaked us out because we didn't see it coming and Polly was in the car.  No one was hurt but it scared Polly awake and gave me a nice neck ache for a few days.  What really freaked us out was that the person didn't stop.  We never even saw them.  I've had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that my little Polly lives in a world that I can't control.  That has really messed with my head.  
• It's a mistake to decide to use a rocking chair as the place where you want to take a monthly photo.  It takes about 50 tries to get one good one.  
• I'm tired.  So, so tired.  

Year Two

Today we celebrated two years of marriage and we took Polly to our tree where we tied the knot.  Last year we tried so hard to picture what this day would look like with our daughter in tow.  In my imagination she was as sweet as she is in reality but maybe less wiggly.   It is nearly impossible to take a family portrait under a tree with her looking at the camera which is really far away.

We opted for the close up with the forward facing camera because she loves looking at herself the most.  She also loves her Monchichi monkey which I have reluctantly allowed her to have even though it was MY TOY!

Tonight we went out together for the first time since she was born.  We missed her and I felt naked from not carrying a thousand things into a restaurant but it was nice to just be us for two hours.  We talked about things other than Polly for at least a portion of the dinner.  I didn't worry that much about Polly because she was in good hands with my best friend Meri who at this point is a pretty familiar face to her as she will be forever!  I'm feeling like a lucky lady tonight.  What a crazy two years this has been.  

8 Months

These pictures are getting harder to take because she is in constant movement!  This is the least blurry one from today.  This time 8 months ago I was in a daze with a quiet tiny baby in my arms and today I'm exhausted from work and spending my evening chasing after this baby.  Here are a few thoughts from this last month before I collapse.

• As you can see we are still sporting a headband because we still get quite a few "he's so cute".  My favorite from this weekend was, "he's da bomb!".  I just said in response, "he is the bomb!"
• Baby proofing has been taken to a new level since Polly started crawling this month.  She went from crawling to pulling herself up on everything in the span of a week.  Just this weekend she crawled from the living room to the bedroom where I was getting ready, there is no hiding from her now!
• She doesn't understand gravity.  I'm not sure when that happens but she seems to think that she can just leap out of my arms at whatever she wants on the floor.  It's a problem.
• I love that she can reach out to be held now.  When she holds her arms up for me to get her, it's the best feeling.  
• Her version of a kiss is putting her entire open mouth on your face.  
• She can now chase the cats and even though they are still bigger than she is, they seem scared.  It's like they know what is coming.  
• Ben and I are convinced that she can almost say the word duck.  She loves her pink and yellow rubber ducky.  It's the cutest thing ever when she get's so excited to see them.  The word duck also reminds me of another word that I need to edit out of my vocabulary very soon.  
• She HATES going to sleep.  Nearly every nap and nighttime is the worst thing to ever happen to her.  
• I need to stop reading perfect life blogs.  There are several blogs that I read regularly and it is very valuable to me as a new mom to hear stories from other women.  There are a few though that seem too perfect and I find myself stressing out about not being the perfect always there mom.  I realize that I'm the only person putting this pressure on myself and I need to STOP IT!  
• I didn't watch the VMA's but I couldn't get away from Miley Cyrus today so let's just add her to the list of people that I hope my daughter does not choose as a role model.  Yikes.  Thank you MTV and Miley Cyrus for setting us back.  I don't mind sexiness or a woman pushing the envelope on entertainment but there has to be some talent in there somewhere.  

7 Months

Polly is 7 months today!  It amazes me how just sitting her in the rocking chair each month makes me realize how much she's grown.  Today she was sitting up and holding on to both sides as she rocked herself in the chair.  It was nearly impossible to snap a picture of her that wasn't a complete blur.  Here are some thoughts from this months adventure with Polly:

• I'm up past my bedtime writing this post at 10:26 p.m. on a Friday night.  Someday she will sleep through the night right?  For the last two nights she has only woken up once but of course now I'm trained to wake up several times and think about work and how we are going to pay for her college education.  
• The female body is amazing.  I'm not saying that I'm amazing, I'm just realizing what this body can do.  It can still somehow make it through the day with maybe four hours of sleep and I haven't been fired yet. It's feeding a human that is quite chubby. It still fits into most of my old clothes even though at this time last year I was packing on the pounds. AND it can carry a 17 pound human in a bucket seat, a diaper bag, a computer bag, a lunch bag, a purse, and a breast pump up and down my front stairs each day.  Yes I look ridiculous.  
• Screw the Duchess of Cambridge and her makeup assistant for that day after delivery hospital exit.  I looked like I had been hit by a truck the day after Polly was born and for much of the month afterwards.  (if you, the Duchess of Cambridge happens to be one of my six readers, I don't mean it.  I wish you and your baby well but come on why are you setting the bar so high!?!)
• I have never had someone be so happy to seem me as Polly is when I walk into a room.  There is no better feeling in the world.
• I still know how lucky I am and everyday I try to really appreciate it even when I miss sleep and meals with friends that aren't during a time usually associated with a senior citizen discount.
• This time next month she will be into everything as she is days away from crawling.  We still have a lot of baby proofing to do!  

6 Months!

This month seriously flew by and I forgot Polly's 6 month birthday several times today.  While it's been a really quick month I also feel like so much has happened.  Let's review!

1. Props to single parents out there.  Not parents who are divorced and share custody but single, doing it yourself parents.  How do you do it?  Ben was out of town a lot over the last month and it was just the mom and Polly show around here and that was interesting for sure.
2. I will never wonder again, as I did in her first few weeks of life, how I would know if she is spitting up or throwing up.  I may have even called my doctor's hotline to ask.  Oh silly, naive me.  One ottoman and several loads of laundry later I now know that it's the volume.  Spitting up is sort of cute after experiencing it's evil cousin, throw up.   
3. As you can tell Polly had the stomach flu which then meant that I had the stomach flu.  True love is holding your little girls while chanting to yourself, "mind over matter, mind over matter" as she get's sick all over you and you do all you can to keep dinner down.  All of this happened during my few weeks of single parenting.  
4. Polly is eating real food!  So far we've only ventured into pureed bananas but she loves it and regularly takes the spoon out of my hand.  Carrots are the next adventure!  I learned after her first eating session that the bath must come after eating not before.  
5. She is also sitting up.  When Ben got home, Polly was just chillin' in the living room sitting on her own.  I think this time next month she will be on the move for sure.  We are not ready!!!  
6. She is completely aware of the cats now.  She laughs when she sees them and babbles to them like they are going to talk back.  Those poor guys have no idea what's in store for them.  

5 Months Old

At this moment 5 months ago I was still soaking in my first few hours of being a mom.  She has changed so much between now and then it's sort of mind blowing.  As she grows and changes, she stretches and grows me too.  Here are a few highlights from this last month:

1. We have a VERY gassy baby.  Since I don't have that much experience with babies to compare this to it could be all babies but I don't think it is.  She farts when she laughs, she farts when she coughs, she farts when she cries really hard.  She loves to wait for that moment on Saturdays when the store is quiet and the song on the radio is transitioning to the next song and there is one customer in the store.  It is then that she likes to have the loudest, gassiest poop of the week that requires a change of clothes.  That one customer can't exactly see this tiny baby nor do they know she is there so they just awkwardly look at me to the point where I have to point out the tiny baby.  They don't seem to believe me.  
2. This month Polly has learned to roll over from back to front but hasn't mastered the front to back.  She's also sitting up nearly completely on her own.  It's amazing.  She babbles and talks constantly and will smile at anyone who smiles at her.  Some mornings she's too busy trying to talk to me to eat properly.  It's the best thing ever.  
3. I'm amazed that there are women out there that successfully raise several kids.  Polly is the center of my world and brings so much joy but this is SO tiring.  Add in a full time job, a store, a semiannual indie craft fair and a husband that travels and it's all I can do to keep it all together.  Mothers of many babies out there, I salute you.  
4. I'm struggling with being back to work and still breastfeeding.  Polly hasn't transitioned to longer space between feedings yet.  She still eats every two hours during the day which means I have to pump every two hours at work and that takes so much time way from a productive day.  I have to leave in the middle of meetings, schedule around it and every once in a while I just forget.   It's frustrating but this is so important so I keep on but I have to say I'm looking forward to solid foods and a diet that depends less on me.  I also just wish the U.S. had friendlier maternity support for women.   Between sleep deprivation and the constant interruption, I find it hard to keep up with my old self and I see why women who have the option to stay home often take it.  I don't have that option.  
5. There should be a training for fathers about their role in Mother's Day.  Maybe it should be a pamphlet that they give you when you leave the hospital.  They need it.
6. I feel so lucky to be Polly's mom.  

Happy Mother's Day

Today is my first Mother's Day!  This time last year Polly was our little secret and this year she's the center of attention.  Over the last few months I've dug out old pictures from time to time to see where Polly gets some of her looks and to see my own mom who was about my age when she had me.  I really like this picture of us on my first birthday I believe.  I can see where Polly gets her lack of hair.

Today I think about being Polly's mom and all of the things that stick in my head about my own mom from being a little girl.  I remember loving her hands and I often look down at my own hands holding Polly and see hers.  I wonder what little things Polly will remember about me some day.  

4 Months

We took this picture bright and early on Friday but by the end of the day I was too exhausted to even write a post!  Ben had a show on Friday and I had to set up for Crafty Supermarket while we both were feeling like we were fighting some sort of illness.

Crafty Supermarket was a success and Polly was the best baby ever all day!  After eight successful shows, I still get nervous that no one is coming. I was also nervous about how Polly would do there all day with mommy running an event and a table and daddy djing all day.  She napped perfectly through all of the noise, ate like a champ, and smiled at everyone she could while strapped to me.  She made lots of new friends.

I can't believe (I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record) that it's been 4 months.  There were so many tiny babies at Crafty Supermarket yesterday and she seemed so grown up in comparison.  She is growing so quickly into a little person with her own personality.  We keep trying to figure out who she looks like but more and more we come to the conclusion that she just looks like Polly.  Here are some highlights from the last month as I make things up as I go.

• Somehow every time I'm carrying a bottle of my breast milk from my office into the kitchen to store in the refrigerator, one of three guys that works in our office out of 50+ staff is in the kitchen.  I always feel really awkward about that.  No this is not coffee creamer.   
• When things like the Boston bombing happen, it's harder to comprehend when there is a little baby laying on the floor in front of you smiling and cooing at you as you watch it unfold on television.  It seems impossible that there is that much hate in the world and that there isn't much I can do to control it or protect my daughter from it.  I've just resolved to love her SO much every day that I have her which I hope is the rest of my life.  
• Little baby coughs and stuffy noses are the saddest thing ever.  At night when she is trying to suck her thumb and breathe out of her nose at the same time she sounds like a little pig and it makes me laugh and feel sad at the same time.  
• As much as I miss my friends a ton, now that I'm back to work I'm not willing to leave her for one more minute to go out for dinner.  I hope I still have friends in a year when I'm ready. 
• Lately I keep thinking people are have been really friendly and nice to me only to realize it's because I generally have a baby strapped to my chest smiling at them.  
• Now that I'm a mom, I feel a motherly protection over all kids that I see.  It's a strange instinctive feeling that was definitely not this strong before.  I think it has something to do with two things.  1) I've realized how helpless babies really are and that breaks my heart.  2) I've also realized that, NO people are not dealt the same hand in life.  There are kids in my neighborhood not much older than Polly and I hear how their parents talk to them and it's not great and that will impact those kids for the rest of their lives.  I wish I could scoop them up or do something to change that but I can't.  I guess that's why I work for the GS.  There I can make a difference for other little girls.  
• I have resigned to always have some sort of baby bodily fluid on me at all times.  
• I absolutely don't understand how parents parented before Google.  

One Year

One year ago today I found out I was pregnant.  I will never forget the double take I did as I took that pregnancy test that I was sure would be negative.  I had missed my period by just a few days but that had happened the month before after stopping my birth control.  It was the night of Bad Veins album release and I was gearing up for a night of adult beverages and celebration but I thought I'd rather be safe and take a test just in case.  So I took one in the middle of putting on makeup and getting dressed.  I had taken tests the month before and they took forever to get results but this one,  those two lines appeared so fast.  I stood there in the bathroom frozen then frantically searched the box for instructions to double check.  I called my sister using FaceTime to get a second opinion.  She laughed at me and we were giddy on the phone together.

After I got off the phone with her I remember standing and looking myself in the mirror trying to remember this moment as I wondered, "Do I look like a mom?"

Then I was off to the show where I had to wait forever for Ben to have a moment alone so I helped blow up balloons feeling like I was going to jump out of my skin.  When I finally had him to myself I couldn't get the words out at first but once I did, I hope the look of shock that I remember on his face never leaves my memory.

Then I spent the rest of the night pretending to drink in a room filled with all of our favorite people.  I was dying to tell but too afraid that is was so early.  That was my first night of realizing how loud and close everyone talks when they've had a few drinks and you've had ZERO.

That night I woke up at 4 a.m. to take another test just to be sure and there the double lines were again. I remember feeling so terrified and excited.  Then I settled into my first day of caffeine withdrawal which was hell and the internet searches about pregnancy began.

Polly has made me realize how quickly time passes without us realizing it because she is a rapidly changing little reminder that time is flying everyday.  The first time saw her I was so amazed by all of the little details of her that had formed in me those 40 weeks.  I'm still amazed.  Now all of a sudden we are nerdy parents and she already looks embarrassed to be with us.  PARENTS!

3 Months

Today has been a bittersweet day marked by Polly turning three months old and my return to work.  Yesterday I was lucky enough to get to work from home which was a nice transition and I have to say I had a much more productive day yesterday then I did today between running to pump every two hours and calling Ben to see if she was okay.  I'm sure it will get easier but tomorrow will be her first day with the sitter.  While I'm sure she will be fine and in good hands, I can't help but feel sad that we have to share her with someone else since time passes so fast these days.

Somehow we are at the three month mark!!!  Again this month I've learned so much...

1. Just when you think your baby only poops once every other day and you're in the clear for another day and a half after a diaper change, she projectile poops at your mom's new house all over the carpet and vacuum.  Then smiles.  
2. There is no limit to how cute your kid is to you.  It took Ben and I several rounds of elimination to pick the above photo out of dozens that we snapped this morning before I headed to work.  I'm curious how other parents manage photos in this age of smartphones and endless picture taking.  
3. I get super irritated when people call her a handsome little man when she's wearing gender neutral clothing.  Now she doesn't leave the house without a bow that screams, "I'm a girl!" 
4. There is also a side of me that has been excited about returning to life as regularly scheduled.  We've been on a baby vacation for the last 12 weeks and now this is our life.  While I'd love to have more time with her, I want my daughter to see her passionate, hardworking mama and papa in action so back to work I go.  Would I turn down 6 months to a year of maternity leave?  Hell no I wouldn't.  
5. Every parent and child is different.  People can give you all of the advice in the world and you can compare war stories with other parents but nothing quite measures up to what you and your baby have going on.  It's so hard not to constantly stress about doing it all right but I figure if you're stressed about that at all, you're probably doing something right.  
6. I feel so sad when I get in my car and look in the rearview mirror into her little mirror and don't see her little face.  It's hard traveling without my new sidekick.  
7. There are 100% less cat photos in our lives unless they are wearing some baby accessory.  Poor, poor cats. 
8. Polly falls asleep in her own crib at night and I move her to the crib in our room because I'm the one not ready for her to go.  

Last Week

Tomorrow marks the first day of my last week of maternity leave. I have to say that when this first started 12 weeks felt like plenty of time but now as I sit here looking at my tiny baby, it doesn't seem quite right to leave her so soon. I know many women who have even shorter maternity leaves and I've been lucky to have the time that I've had but its just not enough. I'm trying to soak in as much as I can so today when she fell asleep on me, I ignored our new rule of laying her down to sleep for naps...for two hours. I enjoyed every second of it (even the seconds that I too fell asleep).

Happy Birthday To Me

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2 Months

Month number two has flown by.  I can't believe she's already growing so fast into this adorable person.  I've learned even more about myself and parenting over the last month and it still amazes me that this is just the beginning.  Here are a few key things:

1. I get excited every morning to get up and have morning Polly time because she is all smiles at an hour that I usually don't want to speak to people.  
2. I get so excited with every new thing she does from cooing to discovering her hands.  It's all really cute until there is a diaper explosion that seeps up the front and before you know it you have a baby with a hand full of her own poop and you realize that you only have two hands.  All you can picture is her putting that poop hand in her mouth.  Two hands are not enough in this situation and babies don't understand when you just keep saying over and over again, "don't put your hand in your mouth, don't put your hand in your mouth" as you try to figure out what to do.  Before all is said and done there are baths and new outfits for everyone.  No poop in the mouth so far but we're only at two months here.  It's bound to happen eventually.  
3. I am obsessed with the idea that anyone could ever harm their kid.  It's a thought that comes to me in the early morning hours when I up feeding her and I think about all of the kids that I've ever read about on the news and I just can't understand it.  I could barely handle her getting two shots today which she took like a champ.  
4. Small babies fart like 400 pound adults and I still wonder when I will stop laughing at it.  
5. I gave into pink far sooner than I had expected but I'm still anti princess and Barbie dammit.  She's just so cute in pink okay!  
6. I replay all of the silly things, to put it mildly, I did between the ages of 15 and 22 and hope in many ways she is her mother's daughter but in so many ways I hope she is not.  
7. While it is unrealistic that my grandmother would still be alive today at 103, I still wish she were here to see little Pauline.  She would have loved her so much.  I was a very lucky little baby to have her and a loving mom there for me from day one.  

Polly Snuggles

I thought for sure that I'd do a lot more blogging then I have but it's so hard not to spend entire days just soaking in Polly.  I still can't believe that she's here and that she is our little girl.  She loves to sleep on me which I also love.  Sometimes the constant worker in me wishes that I could get more done but then I remind myself that this time is precious and someday I'll be begging from snuggles from Polly.  I'm trying to be mindful of these fleeting moments.  The pics above are just a few of my favorite moments over the last few weeks.

1 Month Old

Polly is no longer a newborn and it has happened so quickly.  Today marks one month which is so hard to believe in some ways but then again it feels like she's always been here.  I can't imagine not having her in our lives now that she's taken over.  I feel like I've learned so much about myself and parenting in this short time and it's overwhelming to think that this is just a sliver of what is to come but here's what what I've got so far:

1. The world is a much scarier place once there is a tiny person in your life that you love and are responsible for.  Every stranger is a kidnapper, every car is driving TOO FAST, and every puddle in the street must be black ice which requires you to drive no faster than 10 below the speed limit which is about 30 miles slower than I normally drive.  
2. Watching my husband be a father is the hottest thing I've ever seen.
3. Being pooped, peed and puked on is no big deal when the offender is so dang cute and smiles while doing it.  
4. You instantly feel guilty about how annoyed you have always been at how paranoid and over protective your own mother has been but you'd only admit that in a blog post and continue to be annoyed.  :)  Love you mom.  
5. When your baby starts peeing without a diaper on for the first time, the solution is NOT to catch it with your hand.  
6. Babies love pooping in a fresh diaper.  
7. The scars from delivery are so worth the result and I'd do it all again tomorrow if I could.  
8. Breastfeeding was more painful than any part of my csection but that goes away and that time with her is so precious in a way I could have never imagined before.  
9. I cry already thinking about her getting married one day and having kids of her own.  
10. You really do lose all modesty when a 12 year old looking nurse helps you use the restroom for the first time after delivery and sees you in all of your glory.  
11. You realize that your cats are actually giant wild animals when you get home and see that they out weigh your baby two times each and if they touched one hair on her head, they'ed be outside SO fast.  

That's all for now.  More to come on this fun adventure.  Thanks Steph for the onesies to mark each month!  

Multitasking

I'm trying to learn to type with both hands while holding a cuddly baby like this.  I'm doing pretty well. This is her favorite sleeping spot and I can't say that I hate it but sometimes I want to get things done and she makes it quite hard.  She is snoring a bit.

Polly is growing so fast it's hard to believe that you can see differences from day to day and week to week.  We took her to the doctor on Saturday and she's gained a pound and grown three inches in eleven days.  I thought her clothes were just shrinking.  Three inches!!!  I can tell she's going through a growth spurt because she's been eating every hour and a half for a few days which can make the nights a little hard.  It's hard to pry myself out of bed for those late night feedings but once I'm up I find myself sitting there and watching her sleep far longer than I should.  I know that this time will be so short and someday I'll miss these quite nights rocking her to sleep.  Sleep seems like a small sacrifice for this short time.

I do have to be honest and admit that I miss small bits of my old life before Polly but these moments are fleeting.  I miss being alone. I miss being around people. I miss sleeping for more than two to three hours at a time. I miss being obsessed with something other than my adorable daughter.  All of that has been replaced with the excitement of things to come.  Nothing compares to the excitement I feel when I check her in at the doctors office as Pauline Davis or receive some bit of mail with her name on it, even when it's a crazy doctor bill.  Pauline.  During those late night rocking sessions I've shed a tear or two just thinking about her name.  While we call her Polly I cherish the opportunity to continue this name in my family and hope that she doesn't hate me for it in middle school.

Pauline Eleanor Davis

It's taken me two weeks to get to this post.  There is too much to say but there are no words for most of it so I'll write what I can.  Two weeks ago today we headed to the hospital.  I have to say that I was more afraid and apprehensive then I was excited.  I've never had surgery and the only scar I have is on the heal of my foot from getting it closed in a door while not wearing shoes when I was a kid.  I was worried that I wouldn't get much time with her in the first few hours because of my own recovery.  Now that I think of it, I can't even list all of the things that I was afraid of.

It was snowing for the first time this year and it made me laugh that this stubborn girl facing the wrong way was coming via c-section on a snowy day.  None of which was a part of my plan for her world debut.

We snapped this picture before heading to the hospital and hit the road.  Meri met us there after we got settled and I was pretty quiet because I was dreading the knife but a two short hours later she was here. They held her up and she was blue as they whisked her away for a short minute to the other side of the room.  I heard her cry and it was the best sound I'd ever heard in my whole life.  Ben snapped this picture of her and brought it to me to confirm that perhaps yes, Polly has my big mouth.

He held her close to me as they put me back together.  The control freak in me hated being so helpless on that table but that all melted away as she settled into her dad's arms.  She seemed so content and he seemed to fall into the role of dad so naturally.

That first night I didn't sleep, I just watch her all night which I did later regret as the exhaustion set in.




















I was in the hospital for four days and three nights but once I got home, the recovery has been much better than my worst fears had imagined after a major abdominal surgery.  My sister, mom, and nephew were a big help for a few days when we got home and then we were on our own.  My nephew was so shy about her and then he wanted to take her home with him.

All was fine until Ben got sick and the role of mom really hit me with the true realization that everything is different.  My time, our house, our routines, and everything are all rearranged.  It is wonderful but it's also really scary and honestly it's hard.  During the late nights of feeding every two hours it helps that she's so dang cute to get me through it.

Here we are today!  I have on normal clothes, underwear, and I even left the house for ten long minutes to run to fabricate.  It still doesn't feel real that she's here.  This is one of those crazy times in life when you are completely aware of the fact that your life is changed forever and you are absolutely lucky.