One Year

One year ago today I found out I was pregnant.  I will never forget the double take I did as I took that pregnancy test that I was sure would be negative.  I had missed my period by just a few days but that had happened the month before after stopping my birth control.  It was the night of Bad Veins album release and I was gearing up for a night of adult beverages and celebration but I thought I'd rather be safe and take a test just in case.  So I took one in the middle of putting on makeup and getting dressed.  I had taken tests the month before and they took forever to get results but this one,  those two lines appeared so fast.  I stood there in the bathroom frozen then frantically searched the box for instructions to double check.  I called my sister using FaceTime to get a second opinion.  She laughed at me and we were giddy on the phone together.

After I got off the phone with her I remember standing and looking myself in the mirror trying to remember this moment as I wondered, "Do I look like a mom?"

Then I was off to the show where I had to wait forever for Ben to have a moment alone so I helped blow up balloons feeling like I was going to jump out of my skin.  When I finally had him to myself I couldn't get the words out at first but once I did, I hope the look of shock that I remember on his face never leaves my memory.

Then I spent the rest of the night pretending to drink in a room filled with all of our favorite people.  I was dying to tell but too afraid that is was so early.  That was my first night of realizing how loud and close everyone talks when they've had a few drinks and you've had ZERO.

That night I woke up at 4 a.m. to take another test just to be sure and there the double lines were again. I remember feeling so terrified and excited.  Then I settled into my first day of caffeine withdrawal which was hell and the internet searches about pregnancy began.

Polly has made me realize how quickly time passes without us realizing it because she is a rapidly changing little reminder that time is flying everyday.  The first time saw her I was so amazed by all of the little details of her that had formed in me those 40 weeks.  I'm still amazed.  Now all of a sudden we are nerdy parents and she already looks embarrassed to be with us.  PARENTS!