Almost TWO!

Time goes way to fast during the summer. I feel like I just wrote the last post. These kids are wearing me out! I can't believe Callie will be two next month. Time is forever a mystery to me. Here are some highlights from this month:

• Callie's language is exploding but we still only understand about half of what she says. Good thing she is a determined, expressive little thing. Here are some of my favorites right now:
• She calls windows, boom booms
• She likes to start arguments with Polly about me being HER mommy where she points to me and says "MY MOMMY!" and she wants Polly to argue back with her so they can go back and forth. I see it as practice for arguments in their future. It's also nice to be loved.
• When she wants lotion on her face she says "cheeks", this usually happens as a part of her own growing bedtime routine. 
• She likes saying "all done!" when we finish getting her shoes on or changing her diaper. 
• If anyone says, OUCH!, Callie says, "Okay?" to make sure you are okay! It's the best. 
• Polly is in a very defiant stage right now. Mine lasted...my whole life but I'm hoping it's short lived with her. 
• Callie is a cuddle bug. When Polly was her age, I could let her watch a quick show and get a few things done. Callie will tolerate this for a bit but then she wants me to sit down so she can plop her head on my lap. 
• Lately when Callie gets mad at Ben and I for telling her no, she runs to Polly crying for hugs. Polly soaks it up. It makes me so glad they have one another even when Callie makes a point to shoot me the evil eye over Polly's shoulder. 
• For the last few months when I've tried to sing Callie a song at night she looks at me, unamused, puts her hand up to her lips and goes, "shhhhhhhh". Lately, however, she looks at me and says, "song?" but there are only two songs she wants to hear and if I deviate from the plan she yells "NO!".
• Polly is very excited about going to Kindergarten and becoming a Girl Scout. I'm not quite ready for all of this to happen but I also can't wait to see her little sponge mind grow and grow. 

Polly and Callie Overdue Update

Uh oh! It's May!

Soooooo life happened over these past few months and I just couldn't sit down to write a blog post. Here's a list of all of my excuses:

• My sister, mom and nephew came for a much needed visit at the end of March. We ate, we laughed, we drank adult beverages and I never made the time to write about life because I was busy doing life.
• My cat died shortly after their visit. That really sucked. Oscar was my favorite and I still think I see him out of the corner of my eye daily. Gusto, our other cat, misses his buddy and is driving us insane. He had been sick for a while and we had to make the tough decision to put him down. That was harder than I expected. 
• Winter killed my soul and just wouldn't end this year.
• Crafty Supermarket took over my life but it turned out to be the biggest spring show yet! I was a proud mama of a indie craft show that day.
• Work. Work. Work. This is a busy time of year for me. It really starts hitting in March and just doesn't stop until about September. Half way there! 
• These kids are exhausting. For real.
• I just didn't feel like it.

Phew! That feels better. The good news is I took pics each month anyways so here they are! 

If you are still there, here's what's been going on with these girls:

• Callie is a tiny crazy person. I thought Polly was strong willed, determined, bossy (I even hate using that word to describe girls but it's true), and stubborn. Then I met 1.5 year old Callie. She was an angel baby and then 14 months hit and she gained her sense of independence and determination. Our house belongs to her now. 
• Watching these two girls love one another and make themselves laugh until they drool is one of my most favorite things in the world. Callie races to Polly's room first thing in the morning to swan dive on top of her and giggles fill the air. At night they hug, and topple onto the floor into a pile of laughter. It's a bit maddening when I'm ready for mama me time but still melts my heart every time and I have to pause and soak it in. 
• My nightly walks save me. In the summer I love to get the girls into bed around 8 and set out for a walk on my own. I try to spend as much time with my family as I can but I also find that having time on my own with my own thoughts is so important. 
• Out of the blue one day Polly said, "This is a sad thing." As if I'm about to hear a heartbreaking story. Then she continues in a somber voice, "I've never had pink cotton candy." Yes kid, life is really throwing some hard punches at you.
• Her excuses for calling us into her room range from the regular old, "I need to potty." "I need another hug." "I need a drink of water." But some nights she gets creative with things like. "I keep getting sad because I haven't had jello in a really long time and I keep saying I want cinnamon rolls for breakfast but we never get them." We are truly depriving our children with no pink cotton candy, no jello and no cinnamon rolls. The horror.
• Callie is picking up more words every day but they aren't super clear. We are doing a lot of guessing around here these days. When we clarify her request correctly with a question she does this really cute hushed, smiling, "yeah" as she nods her head. When we get it wrong she screams "NO!" with deep furrowed brow. I wonder where she gets that one from.
• Two things she says clearly is, "Thank you, Mommy. " when I hand her something she needs and "Bless You Mommy." when I sneeze. These melt my heart.
• I'm trying to slow down these days and really be in the moment with them. I've been super stressed these last few months for various reasons but none of it seems to be worth letting this time speed by. I have not perfected being in the moment but I'm trying. 

UGH February

Whoa, the flu hit our house this month. Callie and I were spared but it hit Ben and Polly HARD. I kept Callie quarantined and nearly destroyed my skin with washing and hand-sanitizer. I seriously considered drinking it. This is a busy season at work for me and Ben had a lot going on too so it was rough timing and I still feel behind. I literally had to stop everything and take care of my family and I couldn't help but think of others that don't have the support or flexibility that I have. This working mama thing can be so hard and full of guilt. Guilt about working, guilt about not working. Guilt about guilt. Ugh.

Anyways, there were moments where I just wished I could absorb their sickness myself. It's hard seeing your people be so sick. On top of all of that I was having issues with their new insurance company (I'm on my plan through work). So not only did I have a sick family but I was on the phone a bunch arguing and worrying about their health care. It shouldn't be that way but it will likely not get any better under our current administration. Health care is a right. PERIOD. It should not be this hard.

I didn't have much time to breathe this month much less make notes about these cute kids. Look at those serious babies up there! Here are some thoughts from the blur of February.

• While sick and barely awake Polly looked up at me shaking her head and said, "I don't know what I'd do without you." I melted into a puddle but honestly I don't know what I'd do without her.
• Polly never stops making noise. Even when she's eating, she is humming a song. She slept in our room a few nights when she was sick and talked in her sleep. I wasn't sure if it was from the sickness or if she truly never stops making noise. 
• Callie is picking up a few more words here and there. She can definitely say cheese which is the only word you really need to get by in life. She's newly obsessed with wearing her coat and gets very angry when you try to take it off. 
• When Polly and Ben were so sick, I would pick Callie up from day care and take her to dinner or the grocery store to minimize her time at the house. It was nice getting to spend that quiet time with her one on one. It's hard to focus on either of them when they are both going full speed so it was nice to get to slow down for a minute and really see her. 
• It is so hard to find the balance between self time, family time and time with your spouse. Sometimes we are all in a good groove and then other times we all seem to be hanging on to sanity by a thread. We are all SO looking forward to spring and summer so we all have a little more space to spread out and get some much needed sunshine. Time changes next weekend people. There is hope for us all!. 

Ugh January!!!

January is the longest month of the year. It feels roughly 131 days long, for real. This is a crazy season at work for me so I did a terrible job of writing down little notes about my girls but that's not the end of the world right?!? I'll still feel guilty about it though because that's how I roll. Here are some highlights from this month:

• Polly and I were talking about babies one night and she looks at me and says, "well it looks like you have a baby growing in your belly again." Thanks kid. Again, it's just a pizza baby. 
• Callie has moved to the toddler room at daycare. She has her own little place to hang her coat and marches into the big kid room like a little boss breezing by the baby area. I'm just not sure how time has passed so quickly. 
• Callie is pacifier free! She is a handful but in many ways she has been a very easy baby. I was dreading the process of taking it away but I guess she stopped napping with one at daycare a while ago so I just tried it one night and she was fine. 
• Polly asks me the craziest questions while she sits on the potty like, "where would I be if I was never even born?!?" 
• Polly sometimes randomly says, "I just can't believe such a cute baby is my sister." Sometimes she adds, "I never knew what it would be like!" I love thinking about Polly trying to imagine what it would be like to have a baby sister and that she's still delighted about it. I hope that never changes.
• Callie as started pretending and it's my favorite thing.
• Polly went to work with me a week or so ago for the whole day and she did really well! She's such a little person. Sometimes it's so nice to have some one on one time with her. The two of kids can be intense sometimes to the point where it's nearly impossible to focus on either of them. I loved working and being able to turn around to see her quietly drawing or with her little headphones on, eyes glued to a movie. It was good to realize that she really can be a good listener outside the chaos of our house. 

5 YEARS!

I have a 5 year old. I feel like this one is a big milestone for some reason and it's rocked my brain a bit. She's not a toddler anymore, she's a big kid with her own complex thoughts. She's definitely testing her boundaries and my patience on a daily sometimes hourly basis. This month flew by but I also feel like there is a lot to tell. Both of these girls are definitely keeping me on my toes. Here are the highlights:

• Polly is experimenting with not taking a nap. I miss my two hours of quiet, no kid time but this new solo time with Polly has become pretty precious too. Lately we have curled up on the couch together to watch a program (so I can nap) or do a little drawing or other quiet project that isn't interrupted by a body slam by Callie. Sometimes I fall asleep and wake up to a sleeping Polly next to me. It's one of my favorite things right now. She still seems like a little baby to me when she sleeps. 
• Callie likes to eat. When she is hungry, there is no appeasing her until she gets some food! She can say "more" and "cup". I also think she has is working on "out" meaning she wants down from her seat. She doesn't have as much language skills as Polly did at this age but we always knows what she wants. She's very expressive with her hand motions, gestures and yelling. We have a yeller. 
• I'm amazed daily by the differences in these two girls. While Callie doesn't have as many words as Polly did at this age, she seems a lot more physical. She just thinks she's a big kid. We find her in the middle of the table or just fearlessly walking off the edge of the couch. She gives me a heart attack EVERY DAY. 
• Bedtime deep thoughts by Polly:
• Polly with feet dangling from the toilet, pants around ankles, "Mommy, what if nothing were real?" SERIOUSLY KID WHERE DOES THAT COME FROM!?! I didn't think weird shit like this until I was in high school. I don't even remember what I said, sometimes she just stumps me. 
• Polly all cozy in her bed takes a deep sigh and says, "Mommy, I don't know what it will like when I grow up." This one knocked the air out of me. I think the scariest part of being a parent is that I don't know either. 
• Callie will not let us carry her anywhere. She has this, "I can do it myself" attitude. She's still a baby but the days are numbered and going too fast. She must walk herself to the car to leave. She must try her best to climb into the car herself but she's terrible at it. If you interrupt her efforts too early she stiffens her entire body so you can't bend it into her carseat. Just this week after pre-bed story time, she demands to march her way into the bathroom to brush her teeth. No carrying. She does still let me sway back and forth with her head resting on my shoulder for a few minutes while I sing her a song right before bed. I'm holding on to these days. I can hardly hold Polly anymore, I'm not sure when that happened. Things are often so busy around here and old routines are replaced by new ones so quickly that one day you realize something precious is gone. Luckily there are new things in their place. 
• One night last week I make it through the Polly bedtime routine and as I close the door I hear...
• "Mommy!"
• Me poking my head back into the room a bit annoyed: "What Polly?"
• Polly: "Today I was sitting on the sit and spin in the muscle room at school and Matthew kissed me!"
• Me: "He did?"
• Polly enthusiastically: "YES!"
• Me at a loss: "Where?"
• Polly annoyed: "AT SCHOOL!"
• Me gesturing around my face: NO! Where? 
• Polly: "On the cheek."
• Me: "Did you like that?"
• Polly: "Yes!"
• Me, being a crazy person: "Well if anyone ever tries to kiss you or touch you and you don't like it you yell NO!" (I regret not saying NO KISSING!)
• Polly, obviously not listening to me says: "And I said to myself, I'm IN LOVE!"
• Me: "Good night Polly." Close door, go downstairs, pours beer. I tell Ben the story, he slaps himself in the forehead and pours himself a beer. We are doomed. 
• Last week Polly and I went to lunch together which was a rare treat. We were in the process of ordering/checking out and Polly is repeating everything we had picked out to the cashier. Polly: "we got broccoli, noodles, juice for me, mac and cheese and a beer." I turn red and correct her that I'm holding a sparkling water, it's just a can she doesn't recognize. The cashier gets a good laugh. 
• The hours can be long with these two girls right now but the days, weeks and months sure are fast. I've mentioned this a million times but it never stops amazing me how easy it can be to wish away these tough phases to easier times. I know I'll miss these days where my kids need so much from me that I sometimes lose sight of myself. I know I will miss them fighting over space on my lap where one is laying completely on my lap and I'm cradling the other in my arms. They are both wiggling and feel like they have 10 elbows each and making it impossible to be comfortable. All they want is me to themselves until they get it when one runs off and then they both run off. I will miss Polly saying a million times a day, "will you play with me?" when I'm just trying to change a diaper or do something around the house. I try to be present but it takes a lot of work. I know I will miss these long days. 
• We are a lucky family. Sometimes I think about how hard this parenting phase is and then I think about all of the advantages I have. I have childcare that is expensive but I can afford it so I can have a career. I have a real partner who isn't just a helper, he's there, in this with me as an equal. I have a mother-in-law who is an hour away but will come and help when we need it. I have a flexible job that will let me work from home two days a week that just makes this parenting thing easier so I don't lose a hour of my life to commute during those two days. I also have a flexible schedule that allows for doctor appointments and sick kids. We have food, stable housing, awesome neighbors and friends who have our backs when we need it. We are lucky. When I feel overwhelmed I know there are women out there struggling with what I struggle with but they also don't have all of the things I listed above. I've just been thinking about all of this a lot lately. I'm not sure these thoughts are going but they are there. 
• If I go crazy this coming month, it's because our entire family can't stop singing the Dominic the Donkey Christmas song. 

Don't Put Cheese in Your Sisters Nose

This month was a lot of work! Admittedly I am writing this blog post later than I ever have but I'm going to back date it so I don't feel like such a slacker. That's right, everything you see on the internet is a lie! Jk, sort of. I was busy getting ready for Crafty Supermarket, working my for real job AND keeping up with my family of four. That means that I didn't take as many little notes as I usually do and honestly I was also very distracted with my dumb phone A LOT. BUT now Crafty Supermarket is over and I'm going to spend lots of time with my family and enjoy the holidays. Here are some highlights that I remember with my tired brain.

• I keep wanting to start a running list on my blog called, things I shouldn't have to say to my kids it would include things like, "Don't put cheese in your sisters nose!" and "Don't drink random water off of the floor with a straw!" and "Don't eat ice you find on the playground!"
• One day Polly was talking about her thoughts and she referred to her head as her remembering bone. That just cracks me up for some reason. 
• We are STILL struggling with a very opinionated, stubborn girl. I'm talking about Polly not myself just to be clear here. She's even worried about her status with Santa. 
• I love Polly's curiosity. She received a book called the Fantastic Elastic Brain written by JoAnn Deak. My colleague bought it for her who has great kid book taste. I actually had the opportunity to see the author speak at a conference back in October and she was great! She talked about the development of the brain particularly with girls. Anyways, Polly opened it and pointed at picture of the brain and said, "that part is the brain stem". It was the first moment that she said something that I didn't know she knew. I was excited because how many four year olds can point out the brain stem but I was also a little sad because her world is getting bigger and bigger and that is only going to continue from this point. That's the point of this whole parenting things but it's so bitter sweet. 
• Callie is a very skilled climber at this point. We've bolted the bookshelves to the wall in the living room. She is very determined. She still doesn't say much that we understand but she gabbers a ton and she thinks she's one of the big kids. Our neighbors have an almost 4 year old and a 6 year old so Callie pretty much things she falls in their age range somewhere. 
• Callie is moving up to the toddler room at daycare next month. I'm totally, absolutely, positively fine with that. Completely. Yes. TOTALLY FINE! I'M NOT YELLING YOU ARE YELLING! 
• Honestly I wanted to write this blog all about how I thought I was going to be better at this mom thing. The Monday after Thanksgiving my family headed out the door and I settled in for my work day from home and as I sat in my chair at my desk, I breathed a sigh of relief. It was a long four, tiresome days. I officially think that stay at home parents who are actually home with their kids ALL DAY LONG, every day have the hardest jobs or maybe I'm just better at my day job than I am at being a mom. I just can't tell. I love spending time with my family. On Saturday mornings I wake up excited for two days of not having to say goodbye. Then on Mondays I'm often sad that I have to work.  Most Mondays Ben is home with the girls while I work and I'm jealous of their time together. But then there are those long weekends where no one has on their listening hears, all four of us want to do opposite things and it's HARD. During those days I'm relieved to get to be myself with my thoughts and my work. All of this just reminds me that moms are hard on themselves. I can worry the hell out of EVERYTHING so of course I worry about mom things and that dumb thing I said 20 years ago. 
• When I write this post next month I will have a 5 year old. WHAT!%$#! I'm totally, absolutely, positively fine with that. Completely. Yes. TOTALLY FINE! I'M NOT YELLING YOU ARE YELLING! 
• Callie still likes to poop in the tub. 
• It's been two years since I found out I was pregnant with Callie. She was our little Christmas secret and this year we are looking forward to two little girls excited for Christmas morning. I do love this second childhood I'm getting to have through them. 
• And here's what my kids actually look like most of the time. I caught Polly mid-sneeze! I can't stop laughing at that picture! 
  
  
  
  

Terrible Fours

This month actually felt long in a good way. There wasn't a ton of snot and we got to soak up the last few weeks of warm weather. Now winter is knocking at our doors and I'm dreading it. But let's focus on this past month and not the long winter ahead! Here are some highlights:

• Are the terrible fours a thing? If so, will this phase please end on Polly's 5th birthday? Someone say yes. She has been a handful this month.  She's super dramatic and thinks anytime we punish her for something, it's (I'm quoting her here)"THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!" Other quotes from Polly include hits like:
• "I wish timeout weren't a real thing."
• "I wish I had a new family."
• "Callie, you are the only one in my family that I love."
• "Bear, you are the only one in my family that I love."
• "I'll go live with the Turpins!" (neighbors to which we said, OKAY!)
• "I wish I weren't a little kid anymore."
• "I wish Callie and me were the parents and YOU and the daddy were the little kids!"
• and the most dramatic of them all and the one that actually made me really, really sad, "I wish I weren't even alive." I would be worried if this weren't over a conversation about dessert.
• So, Polly confuses punishment, like timeout or even telling her not to body slam her sister to the ground, with us being mean. The quotes above were all solicited from punishments where she was not listening or was physically harming her sister. It's so frustrating. Every night we talk to her about her day and how she behaved. We talk about how her words can hurt people. She always comes back to the fact that we were being mean but then we review all of the nice things we did and all of the fun she had. I know this is a phase and she's testing her boundaries but it's TERRIBLE! 
• It will be a miracle if Callie survives childhood without a major head injury. Polly plays so rough with her sometimes and Callie loves it until she doesn't. I see all younger siblings as little walking and talking miracles. You middle and younger children out there, you are tough, it's amazing that you survived! I know for one my brother and sister lost me in a cornfield on purpose and I found my way out thank you very much. Once my sister threw a bag at my head that had a metal pipe in it. I still have an indention in my skull from it. Maybe I should be thanking them because I'm still a fighter? They would say yes.  
• I'm a nagging mom. It's official. I nag about getting dressed, I nag about eating dinner, I nag about STOP TALKING SO MUCH AT BEDTIME AND SHARING YOUR LIFE THEORIES! I want to fuss less and listen more but it's hard to hear myself say something over and over and we don't have endless time in the morning or at night so sometimes I have to repeat myself 1,000 times. SO I'm trying to take some time each week to lay in bed with her for an extra long time to let her ramble on about all of the little thoughts in her mind. I know she's just delaying bedtime and trying to keep me in there forever but it's fun to hear about all of the random stuff on her mind and pretend like time doesn't exist for a while.
• Kids have a magical way of making you feel young and refreshed like you are seeing the world all new again through their eyes but they can also make you feel old like you will never wake up again and feel rested. These two facts amaze me. 
• Callie says duck, cat, dada, and mama sometimes when she really wants me. Polly says all of the other words for the whole family. 
• Tonight Polly cried because, 'You interrupted my talking." If I never interrupted her talking, I would never get to speak. 
• Polly and Callie love one another so much. I've tried to get Polly to run to the store with me just her and I and she wants to bring Callie. It doesn't occur to her to want to leave her behind or that she's missing out on one on one time. She often says, "I never knew having a little sister could be so fun." Ugh, that kills me! 
• When Callie wakes up in the morning she want out of her crib, hugs, then down onto the floor to find her pacifier, grabs her blanket and pulls it though the bars of her crib if it's not already in her hands and then she walks to Polly's door with determination in her step that says, "if she's not awake, she will be." Then she give Polly cuddles and instantly Callie wants down so she can demand to go downstairs for food. She is determined and sweet. I just want to eat her up. 

Babies are trouble

I guess I just need to get used to the fact that each month is a blur. Thankfully I make a few notes in my phone throughout the month to remember little things that happen that make me laugh or cry so I can do a monthly recap, otherwise I think I'd just time travel through these kid years on accident. I'm not sure how long we will keep this up, I'm sure at some point I'll have to stop embarrassing them on the internet. For now though, I like going back and reading the little changes that happen throughout the months and years as we watch these girls grow. It's amazing how much I forget until I read it here. It's actually sort of terrifying. So, here are a few bits from this month that I don't want to forget:

• First, look at how tall Polly is. Just look!
• When I was a little kid one of my favorite things to do was drink apple juice out of a coffee cup. I wanted to be like my grandma and dad with their coffee but my favorite was apple juice. I remember requesting it with an enthusiastic, "Can I have apple juice in a coffee cup please!" The request had a specific cadence to it that still rolls off my tongue. Polly have her own version of this that she developed all on her own but it's "Can I have mango juice mixed with sparkling water in a fancy glass please!" By fancy glass she means wine glass so it's good to know the bar has been set a little lower a generation later. 
• Callie still has only two teeth. I'm not worried, you're worried!
• Callie is definitely a blanket baby! Her blanket made it's first monthly picture debut above! Yes, my child has chosen a white blanket to carry around with her. It's great. 
• On the way to school one morning Polly out of the blue asks, "Do people last forever?" Her question hung in the air for an eternity. It wasn't just what she was asking but how she asked it that made tears instantly start leaking out of my face. The question had a hopefulness about it but also a hint to the fact that she seemed to already know the answer. Inside I'm screaming, HOW DO I ANSWER THIS WITHOUT SCARRING HER FOR LIFE!?!?! Outside I calmly tell her no, people don't last forever. Every living thing dies and that's just the way things are and it's okay. I'm sitting there thinking good answer mom. You're not so bad at this mom thing. Then she follows up with, "yeah but not little kids." It wasn't even a question but a statement so I'm sitting there inside screaming, WHAT THE HELL THIS IS JUST A TEN MINUTE DRIVE TO SCHOOL!!! HOW ARE WE COVERING SO MUCH GROUND HERE! ARE WE THERE YET? DO I JUST LET THAT ONE GO??? Outside I calmly tell her that sometimes little kids die but mom and dads are here to help keep kids safe so don't worry. Then she follows with, "yeah and we have to stay healthy"which gave me a great opportunity to work in a speech about fruits and vegetables. She's quiet for a few minutes and I'm terrified of what's coming next and then she says, "Callie has snot ALL OVER her. It's on her sleeve, it's in her hair, it's on her seat, it's EVERYWHERE mom. I never knew babies could be so much trouble." I'm sitting there thinking THANK GOD! Now she's just questioning the existence of her baby sister. No big deal.
• I'm not sure where the above question came from. Over the last month we lost a friend, our former neighbor Cathy. She was one of the nicest people I've ever met, maybe even THE nicest person I've ever met and we had the joy to live next to her for 9 years. During that time we enjoyed hearing her play music through our open windows, watching her sneak into our backyard spraying some new deer repellant in our yard that never seemed to work, her cheerful scarecrow scaring me to death when I look up from my garden and it's staring at me. Side note on the scarecrow, she had her own Facebook page and many adventures. Her famous car cheered our street which she and her niece painted themselves. Polly doesn't remember her and we've tried not to talk about Cathy's death around her but it's been hanging in the air around our house. Polly's question hit me because this month we've been thinking about death and celebrating life and how it's all so bittersweet because it's all so quick. I wanted to tell Polly that without death, maybe life wouldn't have so much joy but life and death is hard enough for me to comprehend so hopefully we have a little more time before we have to have that conversation again.
• Speaking of death, on a lighter note one day we were driving past a cemetery and Polly could see the tombstones as we passed by and she yelled "DADDY I SEE POKEMON SIGNS!" She's getting taller and can see more and more out the window these days. Ben and I are both confused and then we realize that when Pokemon GO first came out, Spring Grove Cemetery, a beautiful park/cemetery here in Cincinnati was a major place for Pokemon and Ben and Polly would drive through there to get Pokemon on his phone. Our kid thinks cemeteries are Pokemon stops. Given the above conversations we are just leaving this one alone for now. Pokemon stop it is. 
• Polly is a little dramatic. We were driving past roofers installing roof on a house and she asked what they were doing. I told her those people are getting a new roof. She asks why and I tell her they just wear out. She's quiet for a moment and then says sadly, "I'm going to miss our roof when we get a new one." I can't imagine what puberty is going to do to us.

Polly and Callie August Update

This month was full of sickness passed around the family, travel, work, and time travel. There wasn't a single week this month where someone in our family wasn't home sick. It's not even winter yet! That being said, it was still a good month with these two crazy girls of ours. Here are some high lights:

• Callie is a climber. I don't remember Polly trying to scale things that Callie tries to climb, it's heart stopping. We cannot take our eyes off of her for one second. 
• Callie is also an eater. She eats more than Polly for sure and it's hilarious. When she wants food, don't get in her way. All of this eating somehow happens with only two teeth. WHERE ARE HER TEETH?!?!
• Apparently Callie has a boyfriend at school and they try to kiss on the lips and she strokes his hair. WTF? Callie the one year old. 
• Polly has Bear, she chose bear just over her first birthday but I don't really remember when or why, it just sort of happened over time. Where Polly goes, Bear goes. I wondered if that would happen for Callie and over the last few weeks we've discovered she's a blanket baby. She wants to take one of her swaddle blankets with her everywhere. She carries it with her which is a tripping hazard but it's damn cute to have a Linus on our hands. Seeing how disgusting Bear has gotten though has me lamenting the fact that Callie chose a white blanket as her thing. 
• This month we went to visit my family in South Carolina and Polly and Callie got to see the ocean for the first time. Polly tried to bring every shell ever made home with us. We talked her down to one container full of shells. We made sure these pale girls were well coated in sunscreen but in our focus on them we forgot about ourselves...burning happened.
• Callie loves wearing her shoes. When we get ready to go in the morning all we have to do is mention shoes and she goes and sits on the steps or gets her shoes herself. Then she wants a hat on and waits by the door. It's so funny to see her little mind and personality forming. She has her own routines and demands. She's her own little person now.
• When Polly loves something she says, "I need this in my life!" Like, "I need this ice-cream sandwich in my life!" It's a pretty great way to describe things. 

Callie Turns 1!

When I was in labor with Callie the only thing that I could concentrate on between pushing and contractions was the fact that after we made it through, I never had to do this again. Women are crazy awesome and somehow a quick year later I think, that wasn't so bad, look how cute she is! Today my little baby turned 1! This has been the quickest year of my life and I totally said that on Polly's first birthday but time MUST be speeding up or we are time traveling. Here are some highlights from this month.

• We have a walker and it sure is tiring. Callie likes being in charge and the biggest crime you can commit is putting the baby gate on the playroom door. She's been walking for maybe 2-3 weeks and she hasn't stopped moving since. 
• Last weekend we put shoes on Callie for the first time because we were going to a park and we figured she'd want to run around a bit. Then every day this week as we get ready to head out the door in the morning she's brought her shoes over to the step where we usually put Polly's shoes on. She thinks she's so grown up with her little tiny, tiny shoes! Most of the babies in her class don't wear shoes to school but she's not having it.
• Callie still only has two teeth. TWO. 
• Polly has pooped in the tub once in her entire life. Callie has pooped in the tub twice this week. I think we may have tub pooper on our hands! On a positive note Polly has never been so quick to get out of the bath, a process that usually takes FOREVER is sped up by some unexpected floaters. I found myself shouting, "that's not a bath toy!!!". Parenting is yuck sometimes y'all. 
• Instead of saying today, Polly says, "on this day". It sounds super fancy in my mind and I want to start saying it myself. Give it a try, you'll feel fancy too. On this day, we are going to a party. 
• Polly had a doctor's appointment this week so we went to skyline for lunch just the two of us before her appointment. She is a person that I can go to lunch and have a conversation with. It's blowing my mind. 
• The other night Polly and I were talking about all of the different things she could be when she grows up. I listed scientist, doctor, engineer, writer, inventor and a few others and her eyes got big and she said, "I know! (I'm thinking YES she wants to be one of the thing that I listed) I can be a ballerina, the prettiest ballerina!" You can imagine that then we talked about how being the prettiest isn't the most important thing, you have to work hard and be a good person. We also covered that you can be more then one thing when you grow up. She then landed on being a painter, scientist and ballerina, oh and a Girl Scout. She leaves me speechless so often. I can't tell if I'm doing this parenting thing right but I'm trying real hard over here.
• Callie wants whatever you are eating. Today we had a little party for her in our back yard. The weather was perfect! Polly was eating and all of a sudden Callie runs by and snatches a piece of bread off of her plate and runs! 
• Callie is saying mama and dada but nothing much else. She babbles all the time and has her way of letting you know what she wants when she wants it. 
• If a song comes on, Callie will dance. Always. The other day Polly started singing a song and Callie started dancing and it was the cutest thing ever. 
• Polly always says that Callie is the cutest baby ever. I can't disagree. She is the smiliest, happiest little person and a very dangerous last baby to have. 

June Report!

June! We spent tons of time outside this month playing with friends, digging in the dirt, juggling a smiling baby, and catching fireflies. It's been a great summer and it's just getting started! I can't believe we are going to have a one year old in a month and a five year old in six months! Just look at those babies! Callie can crawl into the chair herself and rock. She's so proud of herself when she makes it. 

• When Polly has an idea or figures something out she says, "I think I know something!" and then explains her discovery. I hope she always says this with such excitement and pride. Watching her learn and grow is the best thing in the world!
• Why do kids turn in to thirsty monsters at bath time and bedtime? Polly and Callie both can't stop drinking bath water and it drives me crazy. At bedtime Polly develops a cough every night, sometimes it's legit and sometimes it's an elaborate delay tactic. 
• Callie is days away from walking. She wants it so badly. She is becoming her own little person with her own demands. She wakes up in the morning smiling and as soon as I pick her up she begins pointing to where she wants to go and what she wants. She already thinks she's in charge. I feel like the second she starts walking she'll suddenly not be a baby anymore and I'm not ready but I do look forward to the day when the two girls can play together and it's not mostly Polly dragging her around or taking her toys. 
• We were all eating lunch at Ikea last weekend and Polly was being a pain about eating. She was moving so slow and finding 101 distractions. Ben finally ask rhetorically, "what are we going to do with you Polly?" to which Polly replied, leaning back in her chair in a true problem-solving fashion, "well you're not going to kick me out of the house, people don't kick their child out of the house." We laughed so hard we both had tears streaming down our faces. I couldn't breathe. Moments later Ben and I are sitting on either side of Polly and I'm trying to spoon some vegetables into her face. We are both fussing at her when she suddenly looks forward with a furrowed brow, points her right finger at me while staring forward and then her left hand dramatically at Ben while keeping a steady finger pointed in my direction. Then she quickly brings her two fingers in front of her face to form an X. Ben and I try to keep straight faces but we burst into laughter AGAIN tears streaming down our faces. She then says "X is mean!" It's so hard to keep a straight face when we are supposed to! Most days I think we're failing at this parenting thing.
• I think Polly has her first crush. It's terrifying. Hopefully I'm projecting but she talks about Milo an awful lot. 
• Callie has two bottom teeth! Both of my kids took forever to get teeth so this time around didn't freak me out too badly. She's getting very demanding about us sharing what we are eating with her.
• She's also waving bye and loves her books at night. Right now she loves Brown Bear, Brown Bear but she turns the pages so quickly that I have to read it in super speed. 

Summer Babes

This month actually felt long in a good way. We didn't have too much sickness, of course someone always has a runny nose but we sort of come to expect that at this point. We've had lots of outside time and the sun is setting at that magical hour where I get a solo walk alone after getting the kids to bed. It's life altering. Here are some highlights from this month:

• My kids take forever to get teeth. Callie seems to have two about to pop out of the bottom front but they are still below the surface. With Polly, I remember beginning to worry that they may never come. I just laugh at EVERYONE over the last 6 months that keep saying, oh she must be teething...nope. 
• Polly has definitely hit that phase where she has ZERO filter. One night she looked at me and said, "Mommy, your belly is getting fat again. Are you going to have another baby?" It was cute when that happened and I DID have a baby in my belly when Callie was still a secret, this time around, not so cute. I let her know that no there was no baby in my belly. She was sad, she says she wants another. Unfortunately she'd have to get a job in order for that to happen!
• Callie wants to walk SO badly. She still can't figure it out on her own but she makes me make the laps with her little hands wrapped around my fingers. My grandmother used to tell me she spent hours walking me around the house when I was a baby. I love it when my kids make her creep into my memory. She would have loved these girls so much. 
• Callie is saying sounds that sound like mama and dada but that's about it. She can definitely let you know what she wants through. 
• Sleep is magical and Callie has consistently let me sleep this month! She wakes up once a night if at all. I hope typing these words doesn't change that...she literally just started crying. Not funny world! Ok she stopped. 
• Backseat driver says in a judgmental, inquisitive tone "mom that light was red when you drove under it, why did you do that?
• Polly is definitely testing her boundaries these days. Her will is strong and she is experimenting with trying our patience daily. It's hard to know if we are handling every situation the right way and I have to admit sometimes I see other kids misbehaving and I think, "oh good, it's not just my kid!" 
• Ben and I are always talking about the strange balance of parenting where some nights bedtime can't come fast enough when both kids are difficult but then we miss them when they are sleeping. 
• This weekend I had the pleasure of being a part of the wedding party of one of my best gals as she walked down the aisle. There is something about these special occasions that make me reflect on time and how people come and go from your life. I couldn't help but watch the couple's parents and picture what the future holds for my girls while loving and hating the idea that one day they are going to leave us. Ben and I also got some time together without kids which was nice but then we also found ourselves wanting to be home all together again. Life is really bitter and sweet, long and short, happy and sad. It's all hard to understand really and we spend our whole lives trying to. 
• I still feel lucky everyday. 

Spring With Polly and Callie

This was a good month. There was sickness and sleeplessness but there was also a lot of good! We had sunshine and family time between all of the working hard. It was all good. Here are some highlights:

• I went to NY for 5 days at the beginning of the month for work and though we all survived, when I got back I finally admitted to myself that it was too soon for me to be away from Callie. She still very much feels like an extension of my body the way she fits right onto my hip and her little chubby arm wraps around mine. I think the trip also triggered a very needy mommy phase for her which I'm okay with. I was very stressed leading up to the trip and it hit me when I got back that it was all related to me leaving my little baby! 
• Ben gets a hair cut and Polly's response is, "Daddy, you look like a fancy man!" Mommy gets a haircut and no one notices. He was looking pretty shaggy there. 
• One day out of the blue Polly says, "Mommy, I wish you tasted like chocolate." I think that means, I love you. 
• Polly and I were sitting outside after a long work day, Polly goes inside to use the potty just when I start thinking she's been inside almost too long she opens the door and says in a serious, grownup way, "Mom, do you want me to fix you something to drink?" My heart explodes at her thoughtful independence so I say yes. A few seconds later she comes back out and says she might need a little help. It was the thought that counted. 
• I had a headache one day so I was laying in bed trying to get it to go away and Polly says in a sweet little voice, "I don't like it when people don't feel good." She's a sweet girl when it counts. 
• Callie has started sleeping a little better at night after two months of ROUGH nights. She's even surprised me with sleeping all night TWO nights. After waking up myself in panic to go see if she was breathing, I was thankful. 
• Callie is on the move! She's really into the army crawl and wants to stand all the time. She's already wearing me out. I'm trying to prepare myself for the walking but trying to enjoy this time where she needs me so much.
• She's in this phase where she wants to be held but not held all at once and she always wants the mama which is a tiring phase but also makes me feel so loved. 
• Callie kisses with her whole open mouth on my face. It's THE BEST. 
• I survived my first Crafty Supermarket without my partner in crime Grace. I think I nailed the details except for one typo but the weather had other plans. After the rain clouds did their worst, it was a good day. 

Stomach Flu Don't Play

This month was nicely rounded off with the stomach flu sweeping the house. It started with Polly, then Ben went down and I was the last to fall hopefully. Polly's picture was taken on the tail end of her sickness. Fingers crossed that Callie missed it. I'm still on the mend but tomorrow I will be at 100%! Here's what happened this month:

• I learned just today that relaxing gives me anxiety. All day yesterday I just laid in a quiet room with no lights and no sound all day. I had no choice, that's all my body could do. My fever subsided late this morning and I made it downstair so my brain said, HEY BE PRODUCTIVE. Then I realized I'm a crazy person and a simple trip downstairs made me exhausted. 
• Last night Polly came into my room, patted me on the head, kissed my forehead and said, "I'm so sorry you are sick mommy." Then she did her bedtime routine to me. She was so sweet and that made me think we are doing something right in this parenting thing.
• A recent exchange with Polly:
• Me: Polly, please stop distracting Callie while she's eating. She keeps looking at you. 
• Polly: Callie's distracting herself looking at me! 
• Me inside my head laughing: ok kid you have a point but STOP IT! 
• Polly has reached a developmental milestone that all parents of young kids dream of and that is the fact that she can now puke into a bucket. She knows it's coming (ok not the first one this weekend but after that she knew) and she made it! It's a big moment folks. Otherwise you or your entire house wears it and that's terrible. 
• Callie wants to move so badly but she hasn't quite figured it out. She can still roll everywhere but she can't quite get those legs and arms working together. She'll be on the move very soon though. I'm trying not to rush this! 
• This month marked another year on this planet for me and I have to say they are getting faster and faster but so far better and better too. 
• Next months post may be a day late because it's exactly one month until Crafty Supermarket! It's my first show without my partner in crime Grace. I'm nervous but excited!  

My Babies

February kicked my butt. Hard. I didn't take many notes about things Polly says. I didn't sleep much. I don't think all four of us have been well at one time since November. The back and forth weather in Cincinnati has taken a toll for sure. That combined with back and forth sick babies and parents plus a crazy work and side project schedule have me waving a white flag. On the other hand spring is coming so we will keep plowing forward and their cute faces really help. Here are some highlights:

• A conversation with Polly:

          Polly: You know why I share with you?
          Me: Why?
          Polly: Because I love you.

          Me: melts to floor

• Callie is a full blown little person. She lights up when she sees her mama, daddy or big sister and she even gets excited to see her friends at day care which makes leaving her so much easier.
• A baby with pink eye is hilarious in the crying until you laugh sort of way. All of the instructions for medicine and care sound great until you apply them to a 6 month old. Wash their hands after they rub their eyes. Yeah right. Don't let them rub their eyes. Have you met a baby before? Like a real live baby? Apply the ointment on the inner rim of the lower eyelid. Thank you instructions for making me feel like a parent failure and idiot. You make it sound so simple until I'm holding a pointy tube very close to a tiny baby eye that she needs to SEE. What could go wrong?
• Polly sings a song that goes,"Callie and Polly, sisters forever." 
• Over a week of not getting to touch Callie nearly killed little Polly. She was dying to hug and tickle her but she was a good listener and a great helper while Callie was sick.
• Callie's version of hugs right now is excitedly throwing her entire body weight into your shoulder. It's the best. She's reaching and dying to move but she hasn't quite figured it out. She can get places by rolling. Soon our house is going to be taken over by two active, crazy kids.
• As I said before, this month was very busy. I've been trying to slow down as often as possible and just watch my girls. I watch Polly slowly crawl into her bed like a sloth even when I'm in a hurry to get back to work after bedtime and I've repeated myself 1,000 times. But I try to remember how small she is and how completely consumed she is in her imagination. I know this time is special and precious. 
• Watching Polly love is my favorite thing. Sometimes I can just see her looking at her dad or I with her eyes full of such love. I hope to somehow make sure she always feels that for us. And sometimes the idea that not all kids have what she has and not all grown ups have what we have nearly crushes me if I think about it all too much. 
• I've been tough on myself a lot this month. I don't feel like I'm giving enough at work and I don't feel like I'm giving enough at home and I know I need to give myself a break. I don't think my work family or my home family are thinking that I'm terrible. My mama brain is just worrying too much.
• I haven't moved Callie into her own room yet. Polly moved at three months because she was a noisy baby and we kept waking one another up. Callie is pretty good, she just loses her pacifier and needs help finding it sometimes. I don't want to have to get up to go fish for a pacifier several times a night. I also keep her close because I feel like sleep time is at least time when I'm near her and she knows I'm there and not out of sight like when she's in daycare. I keep moving the move into your own room goal mark and that's what I'm doing! Ben has quit bringing it up. 
• Callie's summer bod is going to be amazing. I can't wait for warmth to show off these thigh rolls.  

Polly Eleanor and Callie Mae

This month felt extremely long. I'm not sure if it's the dread I feel every time I hear the words President Trump or read the news and hear more terrible policies that he's pushing through. It could also be the fact that I'm growing tired of winter. Perhaps it's the fact that someone in our house has had a runny nose for the past two months straight. Maybe it's a combination of all of the above that has made this month so long. In that long month, my girls are growing and they both have brought a lot of smiles to our household so at least we have that. Here are a few highlights:

• Callie is now sitting up and realizing that she can get places eventually with enough wiggling and scooting. Her goal is always to get to Polly whenever possible.
• Callie started daycare and of course that means a sick baby, AGAIN! She's just getting over an earache but all of this sickness has meant she wants a ton of mommy cuddles which is alright by me.
• My new favorite thing is pulling Callie into bed with me around 6 am when she starts getting restless. She's been settling back down for at least a half-hour more and it is so dang sweet.  
• We have been having a battle of will at the dinner table with Polly. I talked to her teacher about it and she listed three things that we shouldn't do at dinner time. They were of course the three things that we do. Parents of the year. 
• I can't remember if I've said this before but Polly thinks Lightning McQueen from the movie Cars is actually named Lightning the Queen which I love. Is it bad that we don't correct her?
• While at a friends house last week we realized that Polly doesn't really know what the word cartoon is because we've taught her to call all TV shows programs like my grandma. We are sorry that we've made you a nerd Polly. So sorry.
• Polly has taken to yelling "stop looking at me with your serious face!" when she's in trouble or not listening to me. It's hard not to laugh, so hard not to laugh.
• The other day Polly was making up a song with the following lyrics "touch your butt to the clouds, touch your butt to the sun, touch your butt to everything." I think it's going straight to #1 on the charts!
• It is SO interesting how different two kids can be. When Polly tried food for the first time, she couldn't get enough of it but we tried mashed bananas with Callie for the first time today and she was not impressed. Watching them both become their own little people is a huge, humbling honor.

I'll close with some additional thoughts. I've seen a few people in my Facebook feed referring to women who marched on January 21st as whiners or they seem confused by why women are marching. I'm not whining.

I can only speak for myself but I marched for my daughters because they deserve more than Donald Trump has to offer. They deserve a better role model than a man who talks about women like objects he can just grab if the desire strikes him. They deserve to have power over their bodies. They deserve to grow up in a country that keeps to our American values, values that were built by immigrants and not just the white, Christian ones. My girls deserve to grow up in a country that values diversity, admits it's mistakes, learns from them, and gets better with time. We don't need to make America great again. We need to keep making it greater. It isn't something that was once fixed and is now broken, instead America is a work in progress. As of January 20th, we are not progressing. This isn't about Republican verses Democrat. We all need to open our eyes, ears and hearts. We need to search for FACTS. We need to admit our own prejudices, we need to look our fears in the eye and make decisions based on love and not hate and fear. We need to listen to one another.

Yes I'm scared. Yes the unknown and unfamiliar scare me. Yes it's easier to be around people who are like me but I also know that in my life, when I have faced my fears and moved beyond my own comfort, I have grown and learned the most. I like learning and growing. This is why I marched.

Polly Is Four and Other Adventures

My baby girl is 4. It's a little obnoxious that I'm going to be saying that every year for the rest of my life but it really is crazy how time flies. On one level I feel like she's always been around but on another level I feel like I'm still shocked that I'm a parent not of just one but TWO girls. I love their faces so, so much. Look at those arm rolls on Callie!

This month was insane. Here are some highlights:

• Since I returned to work from maternity leave I've had a December work trip hanging over my head. I wanted to go but I also couldn't imagine leaving a four month old baby behind. Finally I decided that dammit, women CAN have it all and I'm going on my work trip and I'm taking the dang baby with me! So I convinced my mom to let me fly her to NY and stay in a boring conference center with a baby for four days. I was worried that it would be a huge mistake, that Callie would hate travel and I would have this moment where I realized mid-trip that I was a selfish mama for bringing a baby on a work trip.  That this was for me, not for her.  
• When I stress I make lists and over prepare. 
• I created a master to pack list, organized everything so I could pump in the airport (remember this baby never latched) and manage a baby all alone. As the trip drew nearer I was stressed so checked my list one thousand times, read blogs about traveling with babies, and worried some more. I also went down a dark internet hole where people scared me to death about flying with a baby on my lap and I worried that being cheap would leave my baby with a crazy head injury.   I love and hate the internet so much.
• Finally travel time came. From my internet research I learned that if there is a free seat on the plane, they will let you use your carseat for free in the seat. All you have to do is make sure your carseat is approved for air travel which is printed right on the carseat. I even let them bump my flight to get on a flight with an empty seat. That meant I chilled in an airport for two hours before the actual travel began. I thought that would put a nail in this travel alone with a baby coffin but that didn't happen. She slept and I read a book, a book which I thought about not backing because who gets to read while traveling with a baby.  Then we boarded the plane. There was a baby seated behind us and I thought, great, our babies are both going to cry and we are going to get kicked off the plane but that didn't happen. The babies slept and I read a book.
• Callie did great with my mom at the conference center not to mention the fact that all of my colleagues loved having a baby around during breaks. My mom got sick but she was a trooper and Callie loved her the entire time. There is something magical about watching your mom with your kids. That seemed worth all of the stress. 
• Travel home time came and I thought I'd really pay for this decision on the way home but we scored TSA pre-check and boarded the plane, we scored another seat for Callie and guess what? She slept and I read a freaking book! I have no idea what I did to deserve this sweet good baby girl but she is the best baby.  I felt like I had conquered the world traveling with my little sidekick. It was expensive, it was exhausting but it was worth it. 
• Then I paid for it. The entire house except for Ben got sick. Maybe from my mom, maybe from day care but the next week I was puked on more times then I can count and we had SO much dirty laundry.  SO. MUCH. LAUNDRY. These two kids both know how to aim so it goes right into my shirt and causes me to have to change all of my clothes down to the underwear. It was some sort of stomach/nasal congestion sickness. It was terrible. Polly at one point had a 105 degree fever which is incredibly stressful. She woke up from her high fever at one point and said, "I don't want to die" which just broke our hearts! She didn't eat much for a week and got so skinny. I did get a lot of baby and Polly cuddles that week though so it was a bonus. Everyone at the doctor's office knows us now. 
• That sick week we watched a lot of movies including one of my childhood favorites An American Tale. It always made me cry as a little kid thinking about being separated from my family. That dang song! At one point during the movie Polly said, "this movie keeps making tears in my eyes." She is my kid for sure. 
• Nap time and night time confuse Polly. Sometimes she wakes up from her nap and thinks it's morning but lately she started referring to night time as "dark nap". Makes sense I guess. 
• Polly thinks steam off of warm things like coffee or soup looks like ghosts. This excites her.
• No-one makes Callie laugh like Polly. It is the best. 
• Callie starts daycare next week and it's giving me the feels. It's also giving me panic attacks because that daycare bill is no joke people. Yikes. But Ben needs to focus on his career and Callie will be in great hands with people that we have come to know and trust. Yes I'm typing those words out to make myself feel better. I'm also reminding myself that it's our job to grow independent kids and part of that is letting a village of people help you. I hated leaving Polly when I returned to work but I've also been so proud of how independent she has been and hopefully Callie will be the same way. 
• All of that being said, women need at least 4-6 months maternity leave. Paid. Period. It's good for the mamas and it's good for the babies. 
• It scares me how much I love this little family of mine. I am beyond grateful.  

Happy New Year everyone! Thank you for reading this year! 

Smelling, Hearing, Seeing, Feeling and Licking!

Well this month was interesting. Thank goodness for these two kids to keep a smile on my face even when I've felt like not getting out of bed. I'm grateful that my girls are still young, too young to know what is going on in the world around them right now.  It's not lost on me how lucky we are to live a life where I can shelter them from certain things for now. I still can't believe that I'll spend the next four year sheltering them from the President of the United States because I don't trust what inappropriate thing will come out of his mouth. His horrible political beliefs aside, I certainly don't trust the way he talks about women and their bodies. I spend so much time as a parent trying to reinforce positive body image because I know how young girls can be when they start disliking who they are.

I'm heartbroken over this election but I do believe that the American people are good at their core and I believe that we will overcome this setback. I also believe that we are more alike then we are different. I for one am going to try to listen more, try to understand others more and try to raise two smart, confident girls who do the same. What I won't do is tolerate hate speak, bigotry, misogyny, or any form of discrimination, generalization, or tendency to want people to be just one way, one religion, a particular orientation, or expect everyone to follow socially constructed gender norms. Yikes, what a sentence. I am sure I'm missing some things in there but you get my point. I will challenge and face my own prejudices, my own fears, and my own assumptions about other people.  I will not do any of this perfectly but I will try with all my might and I have a lot of might.

Ok, stepping off my soapbox. Here are some highlights from this month:

• As I was writing the above I hear Polly calling from her bed upstairs, "MOOOOOMMMMYYYYYY! MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY!" Ben goes up to see what she wants and she says sadly, "why do you always come when I call mommy?" See I'm usually washing bottles or working on something after their bedtime so I send him. I go up and she asks, "why don't daddy let you come up?" I laugh because I'm relieved that she doesn't think I'm neglecting her but instead Ben is keeping me away!  HA! I ask her why she wants me and she sweetly says, "because I love you." UGH. Sometimes she knows just what to say to melt me.  
• Polly was learning about the 5 senses at school a few weeks ago and we were reviewing them on the way home.  She got through seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling and she forgot the last.  I pointed to my mouth and she said, "LICKING!" Taste is forever known to me as licking now. I think she is part cat.
• Callie loves her big sister so much and the feeling is mutual. Hearing Polly's already high pitched voice get even higher when she talks to her baby sister just gets me every time. Callie watches Polly's every move and Polly can usually cheer Callie when she rarely has a bad mood going on.
• Callie is still (knocks on wood) the best baby. She wakes up smiling in the morning and that makes it easy to get up and start the day. I generally don't wake up well but that smiling little face looking up at me from her bed right next to mine is the best. 
• This morning Polly was telling me that she wants a polar bear from Santa and I let her know that Santa doesn't get everything on the list that she wants.  I was also thinking that she has too many stuffed animals as it is. Polly then informed me that grown ups can get her presents too, not just Santa. I was thinking, okay smart little girl, I see what you are doing there and I'm both proud and worried about how cleaver you are.  
• Callie is getting so chubby! I was worried with her only taking breastmilk by bottle that she might not be getting everything she needs (mom guilt is the worst). Over night it seems like she turned into a chubby baby who hides dirt and other general funk in her thigh rolls. I love it except when I realize it's been a few days since bath time and she's funky.  She also seems like a giant baby next to her newborn BFF that was born a week ago. I need time to slow down or I need to win the lottery so I can have 10 more babies.  
• I still don't play the lottery.  
• That's about all for now but take another look at the rolls on that baby up top! Her thighs are the best. I can't handle the way she's propped up in that chair like she's just relaxin' and we caught her there mid-laugh.  

Callie and Polly

I'm a little late posting this month because this weekend I decided to tune into our lives as much as I could instead of write about it. My oldest friend Sarah brought her two daughters to visit for the weekend from South Carolina. Polly was SO excited and loved having two girls to play with. They are just old enough to find her cute and not mind that she told them what to do constantly. They seemed to think it was adorable and did exactly as she wanted. Yikes, this girl is a handful.  Here are some other high lights from the last month.

• I feel like this month is sort of a blur because at the beginning of the month I was trying to really soak in my last few weeks of baby time before going back to work. I started back at the beginning of last week and it was a long and tiring week even though I worked from home two of the 5 days. 
• I don't know what I'd do with out the opportunity to work from home a bit. Since I'm strictly pumping, it saves me from having to pack up and haul the pump everywhere even for a day or two. I can wash my parts and bottles a bit throughout the day instead of coming home every night and washing 13 bottles. It's insane.  
• I'm still producing more milk than I need. We have officially filled the deep freezer and are about a week away from having to give some away. I want to make sure my supply doesn't diminish too much with my transition back to work but the first week back seemed to go well so I could still feed the entire neighborhood.
• Polly is hilarious. She has her own little way of doing things and over the last few weeks it's hit me over the head that she is just her own little person. Watching her through Sarah's eyes this weekend made me see her in a new light too. It's so surreal watching your daughter play with the children of your childhood best friend.  I feel so lucky to still know her and get to watch her girls grow up even if it's from a distance.  
• One night we were driving home and Polly said, "when you're driving in the car the moon is moving with you." We tried to explain to her how the moon moves but she wouldn't have it because she could see that it was moving with us! 
• Polly after eating pizza said sadly, "The pizza burned my mouth and it made my life a hot day." That makes no sense but I also know exactly what she meant.
• Our bedtime routine is out of control:
• Step 1: 5 minute warning before bedtime
• Step 2: Beg for a bedtime snack (thanks neighbors for introducing this idea, we love you anyways)  We refuse but give her a glass of milk.
• Step 3: Negotiate which toys she can take up and put on her bookshelf while she sleeps
• Step 4: Find bear who is usually with her always EXCEPT FOR WHEN IT'S BEDTIME!!!
• Step 5: Use the potty
• Step 6: Put on pull-up and pajamas
• Step 7: S-L-O-W-L-Y  brush teeth. Somehow she's learned to delay by moving like a sloth. Watching her climb the stool to brush her teeth can literally take 10 minutes.
• Step 8: Slowly walk, sometimes crawl like a cat to reading chair.
• Step 9: Pick the longest book in the world to read.
• Step 10: Demand the hall light is on.
• Step 11: Snuggle in bed and talk about the day.
• Step 12: Now tell her a story that you've made up.
• Step 13: Now she wants to tell you a story but she's terrible at them and they take FOREVER. 
• Step 14: Argue about how her story needs to end now to which she responds, "but mom it's my turn to talk."
• Step 15: Do the kiss routine which involves a kiss on the lips, and Eskimo kiss, a butterfly kiss, an eyebrow kiss (where you hit your foreheads together) and the newly added hair kiss where I have to take my hair out of it's ponytail and dangle it to the side while she punches through it with her fist.
• Step 16: (this list is like the stories she tells, it just keeps going) I leave the room and I have to say, "Good night, I love you, sweet dreams, see you in the morning." If I forget she says, "YOU DIDN'T SAY WORDS TO ME!"  
• Step 17: about 10-15 minutes later she has to use the potty again.  
• Step 18: Sings to herself for about an hour. 
• I tolerate the above list because time is moving so fast and I love it and hate it so much.  
• I am very bad at leaving work at work. I swore I wasn't going to let work stress me out but that didn't last more than one hour on my first day. This working thing with two babies is tough but I also know it will get easier with time so I'm trying to give myself a break.  I've definitely been having stress dreams about being a terrible mom though.  I know that's ridiculous but that doesn't stop my brain from stressing about it even when I'm sleeping.
• Callie is the best baby ever. She only wakes up once a night and even then she doesn't cry. She just grunts a lot until I wake up and try to give her pacifier which she angry sucks until I give in and feed her. She wakes up that way in the morning too and as soon as I say good morning to her she smiles. Waking up to a smiley baby is amazing. I hope she keeps up her sleeping routine. I know it can change but PLEASE don't change.  
• Polly finally landed on being Princess Leia for halloween after one year of brainstorming. She's already brainstorming for next year because she knows she can't change her mind again. 

My Girls

Okay, I thought time moved fast when Polly was a baby but add in another kid and it's moving even faster. Somehow I only have three weeks of maternity leave left and while I miss my work, I still need more time to figure this all out. Callie seems way too small to leave in three weeks but luckily she'll be home with daddy until the new year and I'll have time to figure out how to work and pump and mother two babes. While this month was quick, there's lots to tell.

• As I mentioned last month, Callie did not latch so I've been pumping and bottle-feeding. I was miserable about this direction but we have settled into a groove and I feel like I can see this working fine. It's also helped to talk to other mamas about their experiences. It does keep me close to home since I haven't ventured into pumping in the car or while we are out but hopefully I'll feel bold enough to do that soon. My boobs finally feel happy instead of feeling like every nerve in my body is connected there. There is hope ladies! 
• A recent conversation with Polly: 
• Polly: Next time I want to wear my dress and I'll be even more beautiful.
• Me: That's nice.  Do you know what makes you truly beautiful?
• Polly: What?
• Me: Being kind to people.
• Polly (quickly and definitively): Nope!
• We watched the new Jungle Book movie the other night and I realized that she thinks that Mowgli is a girl and I love that so much.
• We decided to make a list of the ridiculous things we find ourselves saying to Polly. Here is a sample:
• Please don't lick me.
• Please don't bite my shoe.
• Please don't lick the water off of the floor.
• Don't rub dads toothbrush on the couch!
• Don't lick the table.
• Don't chew on the cup lid.
• Don't lick the chair.
• Don't put your feet on the table.
• Don't wave your naked butt at house guests.
• Polly while listening to "Dreams" by Fleetwood Mac, "This is a good shaking my butt song."
• Polly still loves her little sister. 
• Polly refers to her memories as living in her heart like, "Mom, I remember when we went to the zoo in my heart." It makes things seem so sweet that way.
• Callie wakes up once a night to eat and it's beautiful. I'm actually getting rest and if this keeps up I may be a whole person when I go back to work. I survived on cuteness alone that first year with Polly. 
• I really do love this new little lady so much. It's amazing how my heart grows and grows for both of them. It is exhausting with two particularly with Polly in the phase where she NEVER stops talking. It's like she runs on batteries. At night I think she literally falls asleep talking when her batteries run out and then wakes up talking when she's powered back up. 
• I could have sworn that Callie hasn't grown that much in the last month but looking at her pictures side by side it's crazy to see her little personality emerging. SLOW DOWN TIME!!!